Okay, it hasn’t really been all that long since my last TV Quotes Challenge, but . . . fuck it. I did it anyway. (Although, I think I’m going to have to go back to movies next time. I’m running out of TV shows.)
You guys probably know the drill by now. I’ve picked out twelve TV shows and given you three quotes per show. BOB continues to be my go-to stand-in for any character name. Place your guesses in the Comments Section and have fun.
1. “Am I the only one zen around here? Good lord.”
“That’s pretty romantic. Screw around?”
(snorts) “I’ll go down first.”
“Even better.”
“Stop.”
“This is bad. This is really bad.”
“Think about something else. Puppies and kittens.”
“Dead puppies and kittens.”
2. “There is not a warmer, kinder me waiting to be coaxed out into the light. I am acerbic. I can be cruel. It’s who I am. Right to the bottom. I’m neither proud of this, nor ashamed of it. It simply is.”
“Don’t touch any of the first editions. Or BOB.”
“I don’t care which cock I’m holding. I just want to know how it got there.”
3. “BOB, the first thing I learned on the street is that any judge who spontaneously makes balloon toys will, at the end of the day, actually hang you.”
“This is classic. The locked door, the scary janitor, the bloody warning, and our soon-to-be first victim.”
“Me? Why me?”
“Well, BOB, it’s certainly not going to be any of us!”
“It was raining. You had an umbrella. I grabbed it, stuffed it down your throat . . . and then I opened it.”
4. “I feel naked, and not in a fun way.”
“I left you behind because you know my backstory. I didn’t want my best pal questioning my objectivity.”
“Dude. That’s what a best pal’s for.”
“If dislike is the opposite of like, is disaster the opposite of aster? See, if things are going wrong, they go right . . . uh, clearly, you’re not feeling the aster. What’s wrong?”
5. “I was clinically insane for a while there, but I’m all right now, near enough. Hey, can I have your goldfish?”
“The first thing you have absolutely no control of: where you’re born. You can leave, but it haunts you like a ghost. And then you come back and you are the ghost.”
“G-man by day, g-string by night.”
6. “Aren’t you worried that one day all the forest animals are going to band together and fight back?”
“You have a friend?”
“You say that with such a discouraging amount of surprise.”
“I mean, did you learn nothing from the moonstone in the soap dish?”
7. “You do not let Vicki Vale into the Batcave! Ever!”
“Ridiculously dangerous. It’s like a danger cupcake with murder icing.”
“I need her to be the stick.”
“Well, remember that time I was the carrot and stabbed somebody?”
8. “You hang onto your pain like it means something, like it’s worth something. Well, let me tell you, it’s not worth shit. Let it go.”
“This is my . . . uh, my girlfriend, BOB.”
“I prefer the term ‘fuck-puppet’.”
“There’s just so many months I could have loved you better.”
9. “I hate documentaries. They’re too preachy, and you can’t clap when someone dies because it’s real.”
“I think we’re both going to have the ‘You’re Hooking Up With My Mom’ Hamburger.”
“What’s on that?”
“Who cares? It’s free.”
“I ate dead baby lasagne?”
10. “When a woman tells a man about her feelings, she doesn’t want him to fix her. She wants him to shut up and listen.”
“There are many paths to the same place. Trust me.”
“Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie.”
“Can you guys do me a favor?”
“Anything.”
“Can at least one of you look like you’re going to see me again?”
11. “They say the snow on the roof is too heavy. They say the ceiling will cave in. His brains are in terrible danger.”
“We need to resort to cannibalism.”
“That was fast. Don’t we have rations or anything?”
“Bye now. Have good sex!”
12. “So my Grandma Reynolds was always saying, ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade’. I wish she was still alive because I’d really like to ask her what she suggests for when life gives you chlamydia.”
“BOB, I was wondering if I could have a word.”
“Anthropomorphic. All yours, big guy.”
“Hotdog!”
“Hotdog?”
“It’s an expression of excitement and enthusiasm. Joe and Frank Hardy and I used to say hotdog all the time while we were waiting for the carhop to bring us our malteds at the drive-in.”
“Drive-in?”
“I hate you.”
Well, that’s it for now. Tune in next week when ALL WILL BE REVEALED.
